Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Just then a businessman arrives, carrying a backpack...

 It all started when our adventure-loving... adventurer, Mia, woke up in a swamp. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Mia slapped a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, she realized that her beloved Funded Sponsoring Marketing System was missing!  Immediately she called her so-called friend, Gerry Schroeder. Mia had known Gerry Schroeder for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  Gerry Schroeder was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Mia called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Gerry Schroeder picked up to a very unhappy Mia. Gerry Schroeder calmly assured her that most venomous koalas grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually indiscriminately grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mia.  Why was Gerry Schroeder trying to distract Mia?  Because he had snuck out from Mia's with the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System only eight days prior.  It was a striking little Funded Sponsoring Marketing System... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Mia got back to the subject at hand: her Funded Sponsoring Marketing System. Gerry Schroeder sighed. Relunctantly, Gerry Schroeder invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System. Mia grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Gerry Schroeder realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Mia took the tricycle, he had take at least eight minutes before Mia would get there.  But if she took the Second Income Coach Bus?  Then Gerry Schroeder would be really screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Gerry Schroeder was interrupted by six pestering germss that were lured by his Funded Sponsoring Marketing System. Gerry Schroeder cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he skillfully reached for his wolverine and randomly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent - the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the Second Income Coach Bus rolling up.  It was Mia.

~ ~ ~ ~

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late.  With a calculated leap, Mia was out of the Second Income Coach Bus and went exotically jaunting toward Gerry Schroeder's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Gerry Schroeder was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his elephant. Gerry Schroeder was puzzled but at least the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Gerry Schroeder flamboyantly purred.  With a heroic push, Mia opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering zealous... zealot in a noise-polluting import,' she lied.  'It's fine,' Gerry Schroeder assured her. Mia took a seat nearby where Gerry Schroeder had hidden the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System. Gerry Schroeder sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Mia was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Gerry Schroeder noticed a stupid look on Mia's face. Mia slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Gerry Schroeder felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Mia asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A abrasive look started to form on Mia's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mia nodded with fake acknowledgement... then, before Gerry Schroeder could react, Mia randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Funded Sponsoring Marketing System was plainly in view.

   Mia stared at Gerry Schroeder for what what must've been three seconds. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Gerry Schroeder groped flamboyantly in Mia's direction, clearly desperate. Mia grabbed the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Gerry Schroeder let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mia,' he rebuked. Gerry Schroeder always had been a little annoying, so Mia knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Gerry Schroeder did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, she gripped her Funded Sponsoring Marketing System tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Gerry Schroeder looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mia. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Mia. 'Oh...  You... okay?' Still silence. Gerry Schroeder walked over to the window and looked down. Mia was gone.

~ ~ ~ ~

   Just yonder, Mia was struggling to make her way through the secret vineyard behind Gerry Schroeder's place. Mia had severely hurt her scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral germss suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Funded Sponsoring Marketing System.  One by one they latched on to Mia.  Already weakened from her injury, Mia yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of germss running off with her Funded Sponsoring Marketing System.

   But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Mia's Funded Sponsoring Marketing System. Feeling angered, God smote the germss for their injustice.  Then He got in His wannabe go-fast Civic and jettisoned away with the fortitude of  550,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a bloated pack of man-eating capybaras. Mia skipped with joy when she saw this. Her Funded Sponsoring Marketing System was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes her favorite TV show,  Two And A Half Man, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet malaria'). Mia was relieved. And so, everyone except Gerry Schroeder and a few bloody glove-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.

Suddenly a clumsy librarian arrives and pulls the plug.

~ ~ ~ ~

Thank You for Your Time and for reading,
I hope you can see the humour part in this blogpost.

Mia - Your Second Income Coach
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